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Cohabitation before marriage is common, especially among young couples navigating post-college life or the return from boot camp. For service members not required to live in the barracks, moving in together can feel like a natural step. While it may seem convenient or even smart financially, cohabitation in the military community presents unique challenges.
Whether you’re considering sharing a home with your partner or renting to an unmarried military couple, it’s important to understand the implications. From financial risks to potential strain on relationships, military cohabitation isn’t always as simple as it seems.
How Common Is Cohabiting?
In the 1970s, the U.S. Census reported that around half a million U.S. households were cohabiting. That number soared to over 1.5 million couples within a decade. Another decade later, almost 3 million couples cohabited. That number rose yet again. Over 4 million households cohabited by the late 1990s.
Today, more than 9 million people cohabit in the U.S. This increase is significant in that it suggests that the nuclear family may be shifting.
This leads to the question: has living together surpassed the boundaries of tradition and become more common than marriage?
Numerous studies, research, and data say yes. While married-couple households still hold the majority (36.8% married versus 14.5% for cohabiting 25- to 35-year-olds), the percentage of married households dropped from 50.5% in 1996 to 46.8% in recent studies for this age group. For people aged 35-44, marriage rates dropped from 65.1% in 1996 to 58.1%. Cohabitation is most common among people aged 25 to 44 and those 65 and up.
Cohabitation rates in 1996 versus recent studies:
- 25-34: 5.5% vs 14.5%
- 35-44: 3.4% vs 8.8%
- 65+: 2.3% vs 15%
Pair the commonality with wide acceptance of this living arrangement, and we can expect this trend to continue to rise.
Potential Pitfalls of Cohabitation for Military Members
Cohabitation is often seen as convenient; whether it’s about saving money, avoiding the pressure of immediate commitment, “testing” a relationship, or moving away from the traditional examples of family life. But for military members, living together before marriage can come with added complications.
As a military member planning on living with someone, keep the following factors in mind.
Complacency
Research shows that cohabiting relationships are still relatively short-lived (though the average length has grown). In the 1980s, couples typically cohabited for 12 months before either marrying or moving on. More recent data suggests that the average duration has stretched closer to 18 months, with fewer couples taking that step into marriage.
In fact, long-term cohabitation is becoming increasingly common: where earlier cohorts were more likely to marry after several years together, newer ones are more likely to continue cohabiting instead.
For military couples, this can mean staying in a relationship longer than intended, without the long-term legal or financial protections of marriage. Add in deployments, military housing policies, and the unique stressors of military life, and cohabitation has more potential to create instability than stability.
The Break-Up Factor
Cohabitation doesn’t erase the pain of separation; it can actually complicate it. While marriage comes with legal frameworks (and consequences) for divorce, ending a cohabiting relationship often feels just as heavy, without the clear rules. Housing becomes the biggest question: who leaves, who stays, and who can afford to stay in the place alone? Some couples even end up stuck under the same roof after splitting, navigating an awkward day-to-day life.
Military Relocation
In the military, relocation raises the stakes for cohabiting couples. PCS orders offer little flexibility, forcing difficult decisions within a tight timeline. While there’s no reason service members shouldn’t pursue serious relationships, a breakup in the middle of a military move, or because of one, can add stress. The uncertainty of where to live, who takes the lease, or whether to follow a partner across duty stations makes cohabitation in military life riskier than it might be for civilian couples.
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What Cohabitation Looks Like for Military Members
For service members, there’s little incentive to cohabit. In fact, marriage brings significant advantages: higher BAH rates, spousal medical coverage, and inclusion on orders, which makes PCS moves far simpler. While those perks shouldn’t drive someone into marriage, they definitely don’t discourage it.
When a couple chooses to cohabit, two major challenges often arise:
1. Increased dependency.
At first, living together seems like a natural step toward deeper commitment. But in the military, the dynamic shifts. Marriage designates a spouse as a “dependent,” opening access to benefits and resources. Without that legal tie, the non-military partner remains on the outside, reliant on the service member for access to the commissary, Exchange, or even social events on base. This dependency can create an unequal balance that strains the relationship.
2. Financial considerations.
Cohabitation also complicates money matters. Unmarried couples typically cannot live on base unless under specific circumstances (such as being designated a caregiver for children). That means most cohabiting couples rent military housing off base, often with both names on the lease. Here, the military clause comes into play.
The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act and Military Clause
As outlined in Everything Renters and Landlords Should Know About the SCRA and the Military Clause, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) is a federal law that provides active-duty service members with certain legal protections. One of the most important provisions relates to housing contracts, allowing qualifying military the right to terminate a lease early, if specific conditions are met.
A lease may be terminated under the SCRA if:
- The service member entered military service during the lease.
- The service member signed a lease while in service and later received deployment orders for at least 90 days.
- The service member received Permanent Change of Station (PCS) orders.
To terminate the lease, the service member must:
- Provide written notice of intent to vacate.
- Deliver a copy of the official military orders to the landlord.
- Pay rent for the month of the notice, plus the following month.
That said, these protections apply only to the service member. The cohabiting partner remains financially responsible for the lease. This creates a difficult situation: when an unmarried couple shares a home and the military member receives PCS orders, the service member can lawfully break the lease, but the partner cannot.
There are only two potential exceptions:
1. The partner qualifies as a dependent, meaning the military member provided more than half of their financial support during the 180 days before requesting relief. This definition rarely applies if the partner earns their own income.
2. The landlord voluntarily agrees to release both parties from the lease, allowing the partner to relocate with the service member or return home during deployment.
In short, while the SCRA military clause offers protection to service members, it can leave cohabiting partners exposed to significant financial risk.
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Can Cohabitation Work for Military Couples?
One way to protect both partners is to create a cohabitation property agreement. This is a written contract that clearly outlines who pays which bills and identifies individual responsibilities. It’s wise to consult a lawyer when drafting this “living together contract” to ensure it’s legally sound.
For couples who own property together, the agreement should address:
- Ownership on the deed: Who is listed, and how that might change over time.
- Percentage of ownership: How much of the home each party owns and whether this adjusts with improvements or contributions.
- Buyout rights: How a buyout would work and how the property would be appraised.
- Breakup scenarios: What happens to the property if the relationship ends?
- Eviction and access: Rules for occupancy if one partner leaves or is asked to move out.
A cohabitation agreement doesn’t remove the challenges of living together, but it clarifies expectations and protects both parties (financially and legally), especially in the context of military life.
However, planning to separate while living together can be tricky. It’s crucial to understand that, in some states, a long-term cohabiting partner may gain tenant-like rights, meaning they might need to follow formal eviction procedures to remove them, even if they’re not on the lease or deed. Laws vary by state, so it’s wise to get familiar with local regulations and consider a written agreement before moving in together.
Before jumping into what seems like an exciting next chapter, consider the logistical and legal aspects of cohabitation, which can turn an emotional decision into a complex one.
By Danielle Keech
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